JM wrote:

maria wrote:

Dear Yvonne,
Yes, the isolation will be the hardest thing, because the calls etc will stop if they realize you've made up your mind. It will be hard. And you will have to go through a period of mourning for all those long years which I hope also have some good memories. But remember , there is a life after focolare, there is the church at large peopled with normal people, not saints ,but those are real. Think of Resurrection time...it will come for you too , with a finding of your own real identity, strong in the knowledge from a quoting in the Old Testament "even if a mother forgets her child, I will never forget you"

Marcel ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Dear Yvonne
Can you tell us more why you left? A person who has been committed for 37 years and has got to know the movement quite well must have a serious reason to quit.
It is easy to imagine what you must feel now. I left 12 years ago after 12 years of commitment and I still sometimes feel kind of guilty.
However I can assure you there is life after focolare Social life, familiar life and spiritual life as well! You finally get to know better what catholic faith is about, you can know its beautiful tradition without the "communitarian spirituality" bias.

Michelle ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

As a non-catholic Christian I am offended to be invited. To quote the brochure-The movement, which originates in the Catholic Church, includes Christians, members of other religions, and people of no religious conviction, all of whom are committed to bringing about a world in which there is more solidarity, more unity. In fact at the retreats having a Catholic Eucharist daily doesn't encourage Christian unity at all. It's click-ish and non biblical. I would also not be interested in any "movement" which does not disclose all financial information. If this is true I wouldn't send a dime.

david ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

I have just heard of Focolare, and I E mailed New York for details. Then I got onto this site. I have previously been a member of other 3rd orders and find that they seem to start to own your soul, and they have deviant slants which are apostasies.
I also feel with organizations, that they seem to erect a barrier between me and God. In their words, if you want to relate to God, you seem to have to put the 3rd order in place beforehand. That seems to be where your allegiance seems to begin with God. In that sense, I find that I am calling a group or a person "Father" in my life, and the bible distinctly says, "DON'T.
Just lately, in my life, I have left behind ALL groups, because I have found that give anyone half an ounce of authority, and if they happen to be open to a whisper from Satan, that authority can get demonic, and power drunk, and control freakish, and dominant to a very unhealthy degree.
I have even heard of people having breakdowns due to the motivation factor of one or more "seniors" in these groups.
I think if you really live under the Spirit of God, you will take from any message, what God seems to be telling you, rather than having to take things that some "father" figure, no matter how "sheep" they dress up as, can quietly dominate. It may surprise readers to know, that many people of that ilk, actually need DELIVERENCE MINISTRY. So be wary of wolves in sheep clothing. I have had experience of this. My relationship with God is now DIRECT. It is not through some monkey on Satan's string. The world is full of 'em

Marushka ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Hi everybody,
I am not involved in the Focolare movement anymore, although nearly my whole family is.

Yesterday my mother told me that a young man, who was in Focolare in our town, died. Several years ago he told God he can take his life in exchange for solving problems that occurred in that time in the male part of the Focolare movement in our country. Three years ago he really got sick and he died the day before yesterday. People from the Movement would say - oh, what a wonderful young man, he offered his life for others. But I ask - for whom is it good that this young man died? Does God need the suffering to introduce changes into problem situations? I do not believe it. The scientists discover more and more how powerful can the soul/mind influence our body.

I would even say that from certain perspective it is easier to suffer and die than to live and "fight".

maria ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Dear Marushka, you give a typical example of the wide spread dolorism . Christ has taken all our sins and suffering upon Him .We can't "add" anything to that. Only offer our suffering to Him .HE has redeemed us .Poor popo...

molly  wrote:

Hello Marushka

What an excellent point you make. I was impressed when I first "met the movement" at the people who claimed they were "willing to die for me." Quite a shock to hear someone say that, but at a shallow level, that is sometimes the manipulative purpose. It's hard to keep in mind what the original purpose was and how that came about. I find balance in always going back to the beginning of ANY thing and remembering the basic ABC's.

But back to your statement. For me, what I found disappointing, and continue to find disappointing, is that I can not find (well, not 100% true, but close)...I can not find anyone willing to LIVE for me. Do you know what I mean? I mean a quick phone call or short message. I wonder sometimes if I continue to get the silent treatment, or if the world has just changed to where we are all so busy just trying to keep up, living in a world of information overload, toxic overload, and just too much of everything and too little energy.

Wouldn't that be a kick for them to update what has become a cliché to now say, "I am willing to live for you." Of course, who would be willing to do that? Perhaps we could begin with, "I am willing to live for you for 5 minutes"? How might the outcome have been different for your sensitive friend.

But regarding suffering, I do also add that to offer our sufferings for a good cause has its merrits if one has a (wince) healthy attitude towards it. For example, perhaps lame, if I am depressed or in physical pain, and I offer it for someone or a cause, consciously, it puts my focus off of myself and towards my neighbor. And at times we can both benefit.

Well, that's my two cents, not well thought out, because my husband is cooking bacon and I can smell it. Thank you for your post! I am sure you will hear something perhaps with more depth from the others.

Deanna ( no email / no homepage) wrote:

Dear Claire,

your letter left me sad and concerned for you. I have seen quite a few times in my life how people, even extremely smart ones, "give their reason up" for some organization, including Focolare. In this struggle and influenced decision, there is nothing to do with person's level of intellect, and everything to do with the emotions.

At this moment, you are still at your senses, but as you realize and fear, it may not take long until you will "break" under the pressure, and accept the things you are wondering now. And this would be a great loss, because by the words of Antoine de St.Exupery, "I know only one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind". You are at the brink to give your freedom up, perhaps for long years - and it would take long to get it back, while you can also lose a lot in the meantime. People's real stories with Focolare could be a good warning for you, as it also seems to be, thanks to this website.

What is happening to you now, when you feel that "I have never been accepted so unconditionally and unequivocally in my life", is a deliberate technique called "love bombing", that is used by many if not all mind-controlling organizations (incl. new religious movements of that kind). The newcomer finds her/himself in the centre of a constant attention, smiles, seeming acceptance, love affirmations, sharing of interests, apparent "soul-mates" and "kindred minds"... It is very hard to resist, especially if one is in a life situation where there are big changes, insecurity, losses, vulnerability of some kind, spiritual/mental identity-quest etc (is this also your case?). The Apologetics Index http://www.apologeticsindex.org defines it as "The practice of some cultic movements to shower new recruits or prospects with extra love and attention. Seen by many as an unethical persuasion tactic designed to hinder critical thinking regarding the pros and cons of joining or remaining with the group". You can read about this for instance on:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_bombing
http://www.cosmicfool.com/discussion/ubb/Forum7/HTML/000011.html

In neuropsychological aspect, a Harvard neuroscientist Dr. Hans Breiter says: "Some people seem to be born with vulnerable dopamine systems that get hijacked by social rewards." This is what is happening to you now, and it seems wonderful, but in reality "the "love" is feigned and the practice is manipulative".

Btw, I'm not stating, that those in Focolare who "love-bomb" you right now, are aware of what they are doing. An average focolare-member is just carrying on the practice that was once applied on her/himself... perhaps even in the best intention - but not rendering account to oneself, what s/he is doing and whether it is honest or a manipulation. Those on this web space, who have went through Focolare and being involved in its recruiting systems, can tell you all about how they themselves did it, and how sincere they were while doing this.

For your own sake, I hope cordially that you will be able to see these things through, give a name to your uncomfortable feelings and intuitions, and step back while you still can. Keeping one's freedom of mind and capability to conduct one's own life, is worth all the losses, or "losses". And there is nothing to do with rejecting God, because you can certainly love and serve God better and more sincerely, if you are a free mind and free soul but not just an anonymous particle of some group where always "someone knows better, what is the will of God and what is good for you".

As for now, I cordially suggest you to read some books, that will give to you an insight of what are your perspectives, if you let yourself to be overwhelmed and persuaded to hand over your life to a mind-controlling group, whether Focolare or some else. Make your decisions only after you are well informed what you are doing. I know, that it can be hard, because the lure of the "loving group" is very strong. But there is all your life at stake, that is too precious thing, and you can never regain the years that you will lose being "inside", that in fact could be spent productively and creatively for yourself and for the others/society. In a restrictive and controlling group, your unique life can become wasted.

I hope you have the possibility to use Amazon or some other bookstore. I include here the Amazon links for just some books, that will help you to make some sense of what is happening to you. If you are in Europe, the same books can sometimes be found in other languages. I try to place them in the order of importance. But even just the first one is already probably enough to bring you to your senses.

Start from here:
Margaret Thaler Singer - Cults in Our Midst
http://www.amazon.com/Cults-Our-Midst-Continuing-Against/dp/0787967416/sr=8-2/qid=1169046308/ref=sr_1_2/104-3428181-3972733?ie=UTF8&s=books

Janja Lalich - Take Back Your Life
http://www.amazon.com/Take-Back-Your-Life-Relationships/dp/0972002154/sr=8-5/qid=1169046395/ref=sr_1_5/104-3428181-3972733?ie=UTF8&s=books

Steven Hassan - Releasing The Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0967068800/ref=pd_cp_b_title/104-3428181-3972733

Steven Hassan - Combatting Cult Mind Control
http://www.amazon.com/Combatting-Cult-Mind-Control-Best-selling/dp/0892813113/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/104-3428181-3972733

Michael Langone - Recovery from Cults
http://www.amazon.com/Recovery-Cults-Victims-Psychological-Spiritual/dp/0393313212/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/104-3428181-3972733

Robert Cialdini - Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion
http://www.amazon.com/influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Business-Essentials/dp/006124189X/sr=1-3/qid=1169046967/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3/104-3428181-3972733?ie=UTF8&s=books

Last but apparently no least - I hope you have already read Gordon Urquhart's book about Focolare (along with the other New Religious Movements in the Catholic Church):
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b/104-3428181-3972733?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Gordon+Urquhart&Go.x=0&Go.y=0
After reading the book of Margaret Thaler Singer, the book of Urquhart should be your solid source of proof, that most part of the phenomenon she mentions, are well present and fervently used also by Focolare (yes, also and still nowadays, even if you have been told that "these things don't happen any more). And this is why this movement can not really be recommended to anybody.

I can only pray for you, and keep you in my heart, hoping that at least this one personality would not be destroyed and one life would not go wasted, as it has happened to many before you, and will still happen to many. If you want to contact me or somebody, write to the webteam of this site - you can create an anonymous mail account for this. We will do our best to help you, if this is what you want. I wish you all my best.

P.S. For those, who read Italian, the book of Thaler Singer is translated and available in full on the Web. Very recommended reading for everyone, inside or outside (still or already) of Focolare.
http://xenu.com-it.net/libri/cults/singer02.htm