FOCOLARE: a
sect?
Interview of
Monique Goudsmit
by
Johan Detraux (SAS
België)
The book
‘BEVRIJD’
(transl. =‘Liberated’)
by Monique
Goudsmit (54)
was recently
published. Since
the age of ten,
Monique had been
a member of the
Focolare
community in her
city of birth,
Eindhoven,
Holland. She
turned into the
ideal Focolare
youth. Her photo
was even on the
wall in the
world center in
Rome. Overall,
Monique was a
member of this
Catholic ‘sect’
for 25 years. We
would like to
draw attention
to her story and
book.
How did you get
caught up in the
Focolare?
As a child of
ten I came into
contact with the
Focolare, a
movement started
in Italy in 1943
by the recently
deceased Chiara
Lubich. The goal
of the movement
is to live
closely
according to the
Gospel, as the
first Christians
did: in love for
God and in
mutual love with
all neighbors.
The objective is
to realize this
unity throughout
the World.
My father had
just died and
our family,
which consisted
of my mother and
four young
children, was
invited to a
Focolare summer
meeting – a
meeting that
lasted several
days. Saddened
by everything I
had to go
through in that
period, I was
receptive to the
friendliness of
the people in
the Focolare and
the way they
smiled so
sweetly at me.
It was exactly
what I needed. I
was raised with
a strong faith,
and the
realization of
spirituality was
already present
very early on in
my life.
What I heard in
the Focolare
fascinated me.
It seemed
wonderful to be
so united with
each other and
to recognize
that you were a
part of the
greater whole.
In Eindhoven,
where I lived at
the time, there
was a Focolare
community –
Focolare being
the Italian word
for fireplace.
After school I
often went
there, almost
every day.
Sometimes I
stayed the
night. I sought
safety there.
Naturally, I
often joined
meetings and
helped to
organize
activities for
young people. In
the evenings, in
bed, I read
Chiara’s
meditation books
and enjoyed
them. I was
enthusiastic and
fanatically took
part in trying
to convince as
many people as
possible about
our great Ideal
of Unity. I was
certain I had
the calling to
become a
focolarina. I
wanted to commit
my life to God
and as a
disciple of
Chiara I wanted
to give up
everything to
help realize the
words of Jesus,
“May they all be
one.”
When I was
nineteen, I
received
approval from
the center in
Rome to enter. I
was allowed to
live in the
Focolare of
Amsterdam. I
lived there
until I was
thirty-four. In
1988 I left the
Movement.
How was life in
the community?
Over a great
many years, I
lived as part of
the Focolare
community,
usually living
with five or six
other women.
Occasionally,
the composition
changed.
Sometimes
someone was sent
to another
Focolare house
in another
country and
sometimes a new
individual
joined. Apart
from ourselves,
there were also
male Focolares.
Most of us had a
job outside the
Focolare. I
worked as a
social worker
and donated my
entire salary to
the community.
Everyone did.
The evenings
were always
filled with
meeting for our
own community,
for the youth or
for sympathizers
from the area
around our
Focolare. We
listened to
talks given by
Chiara or told
of our own
experiences of
living in unity.
Meetings were
often held in
our house,
although we also
journeyed
frequently
throughout the
country on our
apostolic
mission. Until
late in the
evenings we were
busy and it
wasn’t easy to
find time for
prayer and
meditation (on
the basis of the
writings of
Chiara), but
also that was on
our daily
program.
Moreover, the
weekends were
usually filled
with gatherings
or preparing for
big events. On
top of all this,
household chores
had to be
squeezed in.
There was never
time for
anything other
than the
Focolare. I had
a chronic
shortage of
sleep.
What sectarian
elements did you
experience in
the Focolare?
One of the key
concepts in the
Focolare is that
of unity – the
dream image of
an ideal World.
But this has to
fit into a great
spiritual
hierarchy. If it
was about life
in the community
or at a random
gathering, there
was always a
capo, a
‘responsible’,
with whom you
had to “make
unity”. This
person had the
grace to express
what was the
will of God. To
object was
unacceptable; no
questions were
asked.
Emotions,
creativity or a
personal idea,
had to be kept
inside in order
to be one with
the capo,
because that was
the way to be
unified with
Chiara, and she
had the
‘charisma of
unity’. It was
as if we were
united through
the blood
vessels of one
big mystical
body. We
used
the slogans
given by
Chiara. In that
way we had our
own terminology,
often
ungraspable to
outsiders. On
many occasions,
I was told:
“Monique must
not exist,
Monique has to
die for the
unity.”
Unity was seen
as more
important than
your own
conscience. I
had given up
everything for
that holy goal I
hoped to find
fulfillment in.
But I didn’t
realize that the
price was my
most authentic
self. The more I
sank into the
life of unity,
the less I was
able to form my
own opinions and
maintain a
critical view. I
was without
identity.
Last year I
heard an
interesting
statement by Job
Cohen, mayor of
Amsterdam: “We
humans are all
alike and we are
all unlike each
other. The
beauty is to
bring these
differences
together.” In
the Focolare I
never
experienced
unity as a
common humanity,
but as a common
submission to
one doctrine, to
one person.
To keep the
growing movement
in hand there
was a system of
total control. I
have experienced
how everything,
right down to
the smallest
detail, was
reported to the
responsible.
Everything
was
accounted for,
everything
shared.
There was no
freedom
of personal
thought.
Even the most
intimate
thoughts were
being ‘brought
to the unity’.
There was no
privacy
whatsoever.
At bigger
gatherings,
so-called
‘guardian
angels’ were
appointed to
spend time with
people who were
there for the
first time or to
keep an eye on
‘difficult
people’. In the
evenings, we had
to report who
had said what.
On a regular
basis everything
was reported to
the center in
Rome. I never
felt even the
smallest
opportunity for
a spontaneous
action of my
own, because by
doing so, I
would have put
myself
outside the
unity.
Can you tell
some more
regarding the
book you have
written about
your life in the
Focolare?
I am now 54
years of age and
I have written a
book about my
life, about the
road I have
travelled since
I was born,
about becoming
aware, about
growth and about
exploring my
strength - my
healing story.
Although it
is now more than
20 years since I
left the
Focolare,
looking back and
working on my
book, I
increasingly
realized how the
sect had had an
invasive impact
on my life –
this is a most
prominent
chapter in my
book, among
several others.
Raised in the
transit between
the age of Fish
and the age of
Aquarius, my
book – and my
personal
progression – is
very much about
cutting loose
from gurus and
leaders; about
increasingly
finding my
autonomy and
freedom. It is
about growing
above the
childish belief
in which the
‘mother’
dictates and I
obey like a
child, and more
towards an adult
spirituality. It
is about finding
a deep personal
connection with
the Source of
Life – one in
which no
Movement or
leader can sit
in-between.
Of course, I
still get
inspiration from
wise,
interesting
people, a good
book or film, or
simply through
the things that
life brings me.
However, it is
just like
getting petrol –
sometimes I need
fuel to move on,
but the owner of
the petrol
station no
longer tells me
which road to
travel. Now, I
make my own
choices. It is
my car
and I am behind
my own steering
wheel.
Naturally,
taking life into
your own hands
is not easy
after there has
been so much
‘thought’ on
your behalf for
more than 20
years. The
process of
growth has been
painful. My
development had
been halted for
such a long
time, so I had
to catch up with
learning. I have
had to consider
all the
following
questions: ‘Who
am I?’ ‘What are
my limits and
how do I respect
the limits of
other people?’
‘How do I relate
to sexuality?’
‘How can I, as
an adult woman
in the world,
have an open
heart for others
and still be
faithful to
myself?’
A big part of my
book describes
the pitfalls I
encountered.
After fifteen
years of falling
down and
standing up
again, with
intensive
therapies and
the support of
friends I have
made along the
way I can now
say: “I did it!”
I have become
who I am, a
human being
among many
others. I have
come so far that
I can now mean
something to
others with
comparable
experiences,
without falling
down myself. I
stand strong and
I am happy to
help others with
problems in the
field of sects.
Finally, what
would you like
to tell readers
about this
article?
In my past,
including the
Focolare period,
I saw no good or
evil. There was
no ‘blame’. I
now ask myself,
“Why did I let
the things I am
not proud of
happen and why
did I so
fanatically
follow the
people of the
Focolare at that
time?” Nobody
forced me, I did
it myself. It
happened the way
it happened
because I, first
as a child and
later as an
adolescent, was
unable to act
differently or
to see how I
could do things
in another way.
In my book I
describe my
truth, how I
have experienced
things. Apart
from positive
experiences I
also have
negative
memories of
certain people
and happenings.
But what I can
also see is that
the people of
the Focolare are
caught in their
own ‘system’.
They have no bad
intentions but,
probably, they
are not able to
do things
differently.
From this
thought my book
is no accusation
or criticism of
the Focolare.
Every human
being has his or
her own path to
walk. I want to
look with
mildness on
others – and on
myself.
Monique Goudsmit
BEVRIJD – Over
identiteitsverlies
en de lange weg
naar heelwording
Monique Goudsmit
ISBN
978-94-90075-10-1
(Euro 19,75)
Calbona-Rotterdam(NL)
schrijven@calbona.nl
www.bol.com
Book: BEVRIJD
Over
identiteitsverlies
en de lange weg
naar heelwording
Author:
Monique Goudsmit
(ps)
ISBN:
978-94-90075-10-1
Editor Calbona –
Rotterdam NL
Price: € 19,75
(color
illustrations)
To be purchased
through:
Johannes
Boekhandel,
Alfons
Smetsplein 10
Leuven
Littera,
Ezelstraat 5
Brugge
www.boekenroute.nl
schrijven@calbona.nl
To be ordered in
every
bookstore.
